One year ago today, the infamous beef-humping Lady Gaga graced the cover page of Vanity Fair.
A non-reputable and overpaid media source heralds Gaga as one of the world’s most popular icons in Music and Fashion today, but poll studies show however, that the entire continent of Africa disagrees.
When asked, the same anonymous source revealed that Gaga was genetically stitched together in a test tube using DNA samples taken from Cher, David Bowie, and a cigarette-smoking chip named Lulu. The derived synthetic sperm was injected into a Silly Putty Egg to incubate for six weeks, and hatched inside a young Chicago resident’s Easter Basket later that year.
The singer was eventually captured with a fishing net by a Hazmat official and was shipped to Las Vegas in a wooden crate where she went on to win the World Series of Poker.
No confirmation of the integrity of these details were further sought.
The singer had very little to say to Vanity Fair worth noting during last January’s interview. However, when asked about being proposed to by an ex after breaking up, Gaga was quoted in the periodical saying, “How fuckin’ romantic, you asshole. Sure, pop a ring on my finger and make it all better. I can buy myself a fuckin’ ring.”
After the quote was released to the public, thousands of eager fucking romantic assholes gathered outside of the singer’s residence – each member of the Gaga rally reportedly anxious to ‘put a ring on it’.
The quote fueled further controversy after a scientific group was founded in order to study the effects of Hollywood status on the human brain. The study, which was conducted by an unfunded and highly informal team of conspiracy hobbyists, revealed shocking findings.
According to the findings, Hollywood status causes the brain to retract inside the skull cavity, followed by a gradual puttying effect of the grey matter. In advanced stages of the condition, the brain then begins to excrete from the mouth in the form of tacky outbursts and Liberal political rants.
The singer celebrated her birthday on the red carpet of the Grammy’s that same year by breaking out of a human-sized paper machete egg that was purchased from the set of the (s)hit 70’s TV program, Mork and Mindy.
Gaga was carried into the performance by an entourage of neatly-shaved virgin men with small penises, and dressed in loin clothes and work boots, and women sporting togas made from nude-colored shower curtains.
Samples of the faux embryonic fluid used inside the birthday egg, made from cottage cheese, maple syrup, and herpes, can be purchased at online auction sites like, eBay. Average starting bids reportedly start off at an average of $100,000 an ounce.
I bought three. And drank one by mistake.
It fell into my coffee this morning.
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