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‘Tis Was The Night Before A Long Awkward Pause Christmas

‘Tis Was The Night Before A Long Awkward Pause Christmas

And all through the office

Not a creature was stirrin’

Except for the janitorial guys

Gridlocked in a caucus

BrainRants had hung the stockings with military precision

While Monk Monkey flung his poo without any ambition

Blogdramedy looked at herself in the mirror with awe

Chris was wondering if she was wearing a bra

Then what to the weary Pausers should appear

Santa? Elf on a Shelf?

No, it was Justin in long johns

With the flap open in the rear

Calahan exclaimed without any delight,

“You’re not the real Santa! This is not right!”

“Ho ho ho,” said Justin with merry. “I have a surprise here…”

And out popped Oma dressed as a reindeer.

Outside the world was quieted in a new blanket of snow

Until Chowderhead burst through the door

With a newly minted hoe

“Merry Christmas to all, somebody grab me a jack and a coke!” Chowder screams in Justin’s ear.

“Oh, and any imported six pack of the finest of beer.”

Justin snorted and belched, and scratched his hiney,

And then grabbed a bag full of goodies and a bag full of money

He reached into it deep, and jiggled and wiggled,

Coughed and sneezed and laughed and giggled

“I have presents for all, and all have presents,

This rhyme turned Dr Suess for a real quick second!

For BrainRants a new machine gun

To polish and shoot things,

It’s what he calls fun!

For Mike Calahan, a big pogo stick

So he can get away from his fans,

Lickedy split

For John of Wrong Hands, a pencil or two

Which isn’t good for a webcomic,

Who the hell knew?

For Blogdramedy, six new pair of sunglasses

To hide her eyes from peering at men’s asses

For Christopher a topless magazine

Which I’m sure you will hide in your office with…

A self imposed quarantine

For Monk Monkey, a new tail warmer

To replace the one you left in the corner

For Cordelia a big bucket of wine

I don’t know what brand, but I’m sure that it’s fine

For Chowderhead, a big fancy car

It doesn’t have an engine though

I picked it up at the Dollar Bazaar

For Oma, a  Japanese toy robot

I don’t know how it works

But it came with a flowchart

For Jack and Joe, whose podcast doesn’t debut until next month

Two free movie tickets,

And an all you can eat brunch

And for myself, what would be prudent?

But a new pair of long johns

With a picture of Wolverine

My least favorite mutant.”

Justin packed up his bag and went to his desk,

“Merry Christmas to all…

Click the Like Button…

Click the Follow Button…

And screw all the rest!”

Nice-Christmas-Wreath-316730

Merry Christmas From The Long Awkward Pause Team

BrainRants – Cordelia  – Calahan – C. De Voss – Gawel – Monk Monkey – Omawarisan – Wrong Hands – Blogdramedy – Gantz – Chowderhead – J. DeVoss –  Jewett

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About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
One Of The Hosts Of Podcast 42. Online Producer for The Over The Line Show. Voice over actor, writer on various websites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss

13 Comments on ‘Tis Was The Night Before A Long Awkward Pause Christmas

  1. Thank you! Automatic weapons make every holiday more awesomer.

    Like

  2. Well now if I write one for my blog like I had intended it’ll look like I copied you guys. I guess it wasn’t as original as I thought.

    Like

  3. Love this! It is truly a fantasy to be able to play Santa in longjohns some day

    Like

  4. I would love to get a pogo stick, actually. That’s the paper tube filled with sugar, right?

    Like

  5. Sounds like a great crew! No wonder the janitors lurk.

    Like

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