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Dear Netflix: please stop telling me I like Bollywood movies

The saying, “you get what you pay for” isn’t always true. I once won the low bid at a bachelors auction and can say with some measure of certainty — don’t judge a book by its cover, and good things come in small packages. IfyouknowwhatImean.

After being a Netflix subscriber for over six months now, I’ve reached the conclusion I’d rather stand in line at the movie theater — freezing my ass off —  casting the evil eye on nasty little line cutters and trying not to weep when the cashier tells me the price for two tickets. All that would be worth it because lately, Neflix has been letting me down.

Correction.

Netflix never got me up in the first place. Well, maybe there was a bit of excitement at the beginning, like in any new relationship. A few intimate nights with the remote. Now I snort up freshly ground espresso beans just to get up the energy to sign in. Is it me or is there a shitload of crap steaming streaming out there?

Maybe I’m on the wrong Netflix. Maybe I’m on the beta version of Netflix and my computer fucked up and blocked the update.

Maybe the good Netflix costs more?

Could this be how John Travolta learned his moves?

Could this be how John Travolta learned his moves?

All I know is my Netflix carries way too many movies featuring actors speaking really fast in Hindi, with plots that seem to rely heavily on belly dancing.

I enjoy foreign films, especially those with an engrossing story line and a cast of hot actors. I don’t discriminate based on skin color…only on the basis of hot-ness. I can dig a bit of Bollywood but color me picky, I like a little variety.

Netflix throws a hissy fit trying to get me to rate the movies I’ve watched. I’d like to know who rates Netflix. Never one to pass up an opportunity to offer suggestions, especially when I haven’t been asked, here’s my take on what they’re doing wrong:

a) Stop asking me to rate movies you know I haven’t seen yet. I have “My List” and it’s full of movies I’m planning to watch. Maybe that’s your way of reminding me to watch my list but it’s burning my ass so back off.

Two) Do you see any part of me that’s interested in wrestling? Have I EVER watched a movie where two men get sweaty while rolling around on a mat? Except that time I accidentally clicked on some gay porn and forgot to go back to browse. Twice.

iii) Don’t ask me to rate movies I’ve already watched if you’re not going to pay attention. Every time I finish watching a movie or television show, you ask me to rate it. Supposedly so you can offer recommendations. Great idea so imagine the frustration when you get it totally wrong. Again. Now, I could stop rating movies altogether but I’m kind of scared about what you’d recommend for me if I did. More anime perhaps?

4) And just what IS your fascination with anime anyway? Actually, let’s not even go there as I can already smell a teenager’s room rank with sweaty socks and other odors I could put a name to but won’t.

5ive) When you buy a movie that’s part of a franchise, you do know there’s a FIRST movie in the series, right? Getting us all freaked out about Mike Myers doesn’t really work if you only order Parts Two thru Six and forget to buy “Halloween,” the original movie that started it all. Don’t be such cheap bastards.

At $7.99 a month, maybe it’s not fair that I’m giving Netflix such a hard time. They do pay the studios top dollar for the rights to stream popular television shows and that’s leading to all kinds of bitching and moaning by network television. But with a reported paid viewership of 30 million, someone’s getting the shaft and I’m not talking about —

Who’s the black private dick
That’s a sex machine to all the chicks?
SHAFT!
Ya damn right!



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About Blogdramedy (8 Articles)
Blogdramedy is a recovering communications specialist who now spends her days helping non-profits communicate effectively. They rarely listen to her advice. When she's not doing that, she writes Upside of Sideways and is a field reporter for The Nudge Wink Report -- both on WordPress. https://upsidesideways.wordpress.com http://nudgewinkreport.wordpress.com

45 Comments on Dear Netflix: please stop telling me I like Bollywood movies

  1. Reblogged this on bl0gdramedy and commented:

    November kicks off with a new format for Long Awkward Pause. Check out the new look and let us know what you think!

    Like

  2. Hahaha the Bollywood part of the title caught my eye. I was half afraid to click the link because I was afraid it was a critique of our song-and-dance movies, but it’s a fun post. I don’t use netflix, but do have to deal with the random recommendations on other websites so I feel your frustration 😛

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    • I enjoy a good Bollywood film. There have been some amazingly creative movies over the years. There’s room for them and so much more on Netflix. Glad you enjoyed the post. It was fun to write.

      Like

  3. I agree. I was going to drop them and then they released Orange is the New Black. Chicks in a prison having sex with each other…in the name of art and entertainment…damn you Netflixs! You have my money for a little while longer!

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  4. I have so little regard for virtually any movie that even streaming movies for under a buck is a waste to me – mainly of the hour or so of my life I’ll never get back.

    You number lists very creatively.

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  5. I absolutely agree. I subscribed for 1 month. Then I canceled. They kept sending email saying, “We want you back!” I wrote and told them if they wanted me back, have something on their website worth watching. Instead, they continue to offer a “variety” that spans the gamut between porn & lame.

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    • I, too, took the one month free trial. Then House of Cards showed up and I got hooked and hear there’s going to be a season two. Netflix has a lot of potential but they need to hire someone to handle their program buying who understands not everyone wants to watch comedies that aren’t funny and dramas that have no drama.

      Maybe you and I could job share? *grin*

      Like

  6. Hmm. I wonder why Netflix never recommends any Bollywood for me? I must not be up at your level.

    Selection does seem to be a Netflix problem. But, breaking news, they do carry some of the Netflix originals and those were pretty good. We eagerly await the next seasons of House of Cards and Orange is the New Black. (The Arrested Development thing was only okay but still worth watching.)

    When they have something you actually want, it can be fun for awhile. But then you hear about a movie that sounds intriguing, search Netflix, then come up against the dreaded “Similar to” screen, which is the Netflix way of saying, “Sod off, mate.”

    I agree with Brainrants. Your numbering system is genius.

    Like

    • I loved House of Cards but haven’t tuned into Orange is the New Black yet. Tried Arrested Development for three episodes but stopped watching after I realized I hadn’t laughed once.

      The other thing that gets me is when you type in “Ryan Gosling” you get a list of 25 movies, get really excited then discover he’s only in five of them. I looked at the other 20 for about half an hour trying to figure out the connection then realized there wasn’t one.

      Did you know the president of Netflix is now suggesting that new studio releases should hit Netflix the same day they hit the movie theaters? Can’t wait to see how that plays out.

      The numbering system is not original. I just “borrowed” the idea for this post. *grin*

      Like

  7. I’ve never seen a Bollywood film. I know what’s entailed but haven’t gotten around to it yet. Nice post, BD.

    Like

  8. Since getting Netflix my husband has watched so many Chinese Kung Fu movies that we have convinced ourselves we can now tell the difference between Cantonese and Mandarin dialects.

    There is a ton of crap on streaming which is why we still get two mailers at a time in addition. I do find stuff on streaming that I otherwise wouldn’t know about. We’re currently watching Ewan Macgregor and some other guy ride their motorcycles around the world in Long Way Round, which I’m really enjoying.

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    • You have to be committed to devoting some time to pick out the winners. I think their categories could do with some attention. I get a bit perturbed when I see the same movie show up in drama, comedy, sic-fi, thriller, musical, action adventures and documentary. How is that even possible?

      I’ll have to check out Long Way Round. Huge Ewan MacGregor fan. Thanks.

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  9. That Shaft is a bad mutha of a…SHUT your mouth!

    I don’t bother to pay for NetFlix because whenever I get a video I end up being too lethargic to ever watch it. At least when I get them from the library and don’t watch, it didn’t cost me anything.

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    • I live so far out of the city I don’t even know where the nearest library is. And that is shameful. My bad.
      Also, I should have mentioned I don’t have cable television and that’s why I’m on Netflix. Belly button lint can only entertain so far.

      Like

  10. Personally, I can’t stand Bollywood flicks. And what makes the folks at Netflix think I speak Korean? Don’t get me wrong, I like a good foreign language movie every one in a while. A good one! Not the tripe Netflix is posting, though.

    If I want to watch trash, I want to watch trash in English, please.

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  11. Still no Netflix in my house. We’ve been stocking up on Alaskan reality shows and cooking competitions, in preparation for the long, cold winter.

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  12. I went through Netflix and checked “not interested” on every single Tom Cruise movie yet they still try and push him on me.

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  13. Greg Urbano // November 2, 2013 at 7:42 pm //

    Your title had me laughing out loud, thanks!

    Like

  14. I mostly use netflix to watch a TV series that I never watched when it was on tv…like Weeds.. or New Girl first seasons.. Also like Orange is the New Black…Downton Abbey..Brothers and Sisters.There’s actually a lot of good stuff on there. Just usually not movies- But if you are looking for movies maybe you ought to try Amazon Prime…

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  15. Reblogueó esto en tatiana9624.

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  16. Thank you. We have been bantering about getting Netflix but it doesn’t sound like it would be worth the hassle. The new look works for me. I love the way you “numbered” your points. I have become preoccupied with what you would have done for 6-10 if the list was longer. 😉

    Like

    • We don’t have cable and are on Internet via satellite so our speed isn’t the fastest. We bought a Smart Samsung tv thinking we could stream Netflix but it buffers so bad I developed a stutter. I then bought an Apple TV device so now I stream Netflix through my laptop and mirror it via Airplay on the tv. So far it works.

      There are a few good shows on Netflix but you really have to work to find them…unless you’re a fan of really bad movies and tv, then you’d be fine. However, I don’t think that’s you. You can sign up for a free one month trial…try it for yourself and see.

      Like

  17. I know exactly what you mean about Bollywood. It has a tendency to get on one’s nerves…and not let go.

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