Before putting on my bifocals, I thought I was looking at a crash test dummy about to get scooped up by a tractor shovel:
Man, I was way off.
But that woulda been just as cool as learning how to play the piano..while sleeping..at the same time.
If that were me laying in bed playing the piano, I’d get about three notes in before getting elbow-dropped by the Sandman.
Something like this:
“Mr. Sandman! Bring me a dream! Make her the…….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”
“Bah! Where am I!”
“Ah yes, I was playing the piano, but I fell asleep. Let’s start from the top again, only this time I should play louder so that I don’t fall asleep again, because I’m trying to play the piano and not sleep:”
“Mr. Sandman! Bring me a dream! Make her the…….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”
“Bah! Where am I!!!”
“Ah yes, I was playing the piano, but I fell asleep again. Let’s start from the t–
–you know what, fuck this shit. Where’s the TV remote?”
Marketing and Product Development sure have come a long way since humans had to live in the black and white world. It seems like people back then would buy just about anything that showed up on their front door step in the hands of some sooty sales dude:
*knock at the door*
June Cleaver: (answers door) Well hello there, young man. How can I help you today?
Salesguy: Good afternoon, ma’am. I’m here on behalf of the Useless Home Products Corporation, and I’d like to sell this to you.
June Cleaver: Well, what in heaven’s name is it?
Salesguy: It’s a bed piano. The finest model ever constructed to date. In fact, it’s made out of a brand new space age material called, plastic.
June Cleaver: Oh! Wait, let me call my husband to the door! He just has to see this! Walt! Walt, come to the foyer! There’s an extremely polite and trustworthy young man at the door who wants to sell us something!”
*Walt enters wearing a sweater vest*
Walt Cleaver: Well, hi there. What can I do for you, young man?
Salesguy: Good afternoon, sir. I’m here on behalf of the Useless Home Products Corporation, and I’d like to sell this to you.
Walt Cleaver: Well, I’ll be. That looks like a bed piano!
Salesguy: Yes sir, it sure is! The highest quality bed piano on the market today.
Walt Cleaver: You know, I was a pianist (editor’s note: sounds like penis) back in my younger years. Fancy that you’d show up right here on my front door step! What’s your asking price?
Salesguy: I’m happy to inform you that today is your lucky day. The Useless Home Products Corporation is currently running a half off sale on this exact model, bringing the total cost to only $5999.99.
June Cleaver: Oh Walt, I think we should get one. Maybe it will inspire you to start playing again!
Walt Cleaver: Well. I have to hand it to you, young man: you’re one heck of a salesman. That’s just too good of a bargain to pass on.
Salesguy: Well thank so kindly, Mr…?
Walt Cleaver: Cleaver. Walt Cleaver.
Salesguy: Thank you, Mr. Cleaver. And how will you be paying for the bed piano today?
Walt Cleaver: How about that, June! The boy’s got a sense of humor too! Remind me to get your supervisor’s telephone machine number. I think he needs to hear a few reasons why I think you should be getting a little bump in your commission pay!
*laughs all around*
Walt Cleaver: I’ll be paying cash.
- June Cleaver 2.0 (missglamdan.com)
- How Do You Measure Up to June Cleaver? (popwithjanis.wordpress.com)
- Feeling a bit “June Cleaver-ish” today… (weallneedmom.wordpress.com)