Occasionally we will get probing questions from our readers for the staff to answer.
Occasionally we don’t.
This could or could not be one of those occasions. You decide which.
Allan G. of Ohm Sweet Ohm would like to know:
Is it a conspiracy, or a curiosity, that there are no world leaders named Steve?
I don’t like things that probe. Kinky. That said, I think there’s a definite issue with the paucity of world leaders named “Steve.” I mean, we have to put up with a Barak Hussein, a Hussein, and a Hamid? We could use a Steve or two. Yeah, maybe it’s just me. That’s it.
There are many, MANY world leaders named Steve: Steve Hawking, Steve Irwin, Steve Spielberg, Steve my garbageman… Just becasue these people do not hold an office or are elected into power does this mean they aren’t leaders, models, guides?! NO WAY! REMOVE YOUR FALSE IDOL THE ELECTED OFFICIAL AND INSTEAD LOOK TO ALL THE GREATNESS THAT IS STEVE IN EVERDAY LIFE! I call this phenomenonon STEVERYDAY LIFE!
I think there are much more important discussions to be having right now than coincidences and conspiracy theories about guys named Steve. I’m trying to decide whether I should do bacon and eggs, or pancakes a sausage? Pleated or traditional straight leg? High tops or low tops? Oprah re-runs or National Geographic special on termites? THESE are important issues. Tell this Steve guy to climb a tree…
I have to admit that I’m not very political. I know our leader and I usually know who the current “bad guy” leader is to the United States…so in my world there could be a leader named Steve and I wouldn’t even know it. I know who Cobra Commander, Darth Vader, and the Nazi Guy from Indiana Jones are…this may seem wrong to a lot of people not to be more in touch with world leaders, so luckily for me…there are other people who find this more interesting. I let them handle it, and I’ll handle the other things that don’t interest them…like Sharknados.
I believe it’s a curiosity. You have such notables as Steve McQueen, Steve Martin, even Steve Buscemi, all of whom have had lead roles in movies. Steve Martin has lead his own banjo group, so that’s kind of a, ya know, a leadership role by a Steve. Other than that, though… I dunno. Maybe it is a conspiracy. By people named Larry, I’m assuming.
I’m not much on conspiracy theories. This, however, is a conspiracy. It is the rarely seen “totally justified conspiracy”.
One of my best friends is named Steve. He is the veteran of many of my adventures. More honestly, he is the start of those adventures. It is probably best that we not speak of his adventures when he lacks supervision.
I guess what I am avoiding saying is that I am the source of the conspiracy that holds back all the various Steves throughout the world. I’ve seen what this one Steve is capable of. All must suffer as a result. I feel totally justified in my actions.
I say, Neither…Maybe, it’s just a good idea that they aren’t
Every guy named Steve I have known has been kind of a hotmess, except for one…An old manager I had. He was a really awesome christian guy who was a joy to work with…wait. I just saw he updated on face book that he crashed his motorcycle into a tree or something and broke his hip. Hotmess status achieved.
Why do all the Steves I know crash into something? Mr. Jones’ best friend named Steve crashed into a tree…then he crashed into his trailer…Both of these incidents involved texting.
I had an eccentric Art Teacher named Steve. He used to let us listen to Led Zepplin in class and carve bongs out of soapstone. We had like 10 different craft stations in his class that ranged from painting, to carpentry, to glass blowing, glass etching, making bonsai trees, pottery and welding. Somehow, another guy named Steve in my class always managed to make a bong out of something at every station. Teacher Steve never gave anyone any crap for making bongs. It was an alternative high school, we were already a bunch of hooligans…what was he really gonna do about it?
I suppose the reason he never objected to bongs was because he was a smoker himself. I heard a story about Art Teacher Steve about 5 years after I left high school. One of my friends told me he got real high one time with his Chihuahua, took off in his motorcycle, blasting Led Zepplin, and decided to ride across a golf course. Story goes that he crashed the side car of his bike into a tree y’all!…he was wearing a White Mach 5 Speed Racer helmet that he had made himself, aviator goggles and a bright lime green scarf. He was perfectly fine, but his bike was all jacked and the Chihuahua took off, never to be seen again.
Sounds about right…Steve was a maniac of a teacher.
Best. Class. Ever.
So I guess I’m going to go with, any guy named Steve, should not be the leader of anything…because eventually he will make a bong out of something, or crash into a tree. The only exception is Steve Jobs. He was pretty legit.
Some of us are lovers. Some of us are fighters. Some of us have names far too beautiful to be dragged through the inevitable mud, turmoil, and blood diamond scandals involved with world politics. You wouldn’t use Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa to scrub vomit off a bar bathroom floor. You wouldn’t use Michelangelo’s David to grind up against in order to thoroughly scratch that area in betwixt your booty cheeks that’s unplunderable with your soft fingers. And you’d never, ever, never subject a Steve, a person with a name that rings with such purity, optimism, and vigor, to the bureaucratic doody downpour of global diplomacy.