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The Incredible Edible Twinkie

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(Read these first two lines in a David Bowie voice, like at the start of the song: Modern Love)

I didn’t care that the Twinkie went away.

I didn’t care that the Twinkie came back.

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I’m not oppose to the Twinkie, although I think Peanut Butter Crunch Bars are much, much better.

LittleDebbie-PBCrunch

In the movie Zombieland, Woody Harrelson’s character should have been on the prowl for Peanut Butter Crunch Bars instead of Twinkies.

If you need to pause and watch the movie so you know what I’m talking about, I’ll wait here. Go ahead.

You back?

What did you think? Pretty good, huh?

Ok, to continue….

I know the PBCBs melt easily and Twinkies do not, but let’s not discount the peanut buttery loggy goodness of this treat. I would rather eat a melted Peanut Butter Crunch Bar than a fresh Twinkie. Yes, I it’s true. I would rather eat a gooey, melted, stuck to my fingers peanut butter log than a just freshly wrapped, freshly boxed, freshly date stamped Twinkie.

I would take a Twinkie over a Moon Pie though. Not a big fan of marshmallow, and when you take a hard chocolate shell and stick it over a marshmallow, well then your asking for it to be left on the grocery store shelf un-purchased.

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S0 now that everyone has seen Zombieland, remember when  Woody Harrelson stumbles upon an overturned  Hostess truck thinking it’s full of Twinkies. He is super happy until it is discovered that  in fact it was full of Snoballs.

snoballs

The coconut flake covered cake, not the frozen water kind that your best friend fills with twigs and pebbles and then aims it at your face. I hate you snowball filled with twigs and pebbles that my best friend aimed at my face.

Coconut is really hit and miss with a lot of people. It’s a definite hit with me, except in drinks. Give me Mango anything in a drink, but not Coconut please.

Anyway, if Woody Harrelson discovered a truck full of Peanut Butter Crunch Bars I’m sure he would have been uber-ecstatic. On the downside though, the Peanut Butter Crunch Bar would have probably melted in the back of the truck, while the Twinkie can last damn near forever in all sorts of extreme environments and even nuclear war, Mars, or the sets of Reality TV shows.

But enough on that. The real question isn’t how do I feel about the Twinkie coming back, but how do I feel about the disappearance of Twinkie the Kid. Where did this guy disappear too?

twinkiethekid

Looking all dapper with his heart bandanna, opera gloves, diamond boots, and monogrammed cowboy hat!

Or any of these Hostess guys for that matter:

hostess-icons

Pictured: Captain Cupcake, Twinkie the Kid, Happy Ho Ho, Fruit Pie the Magician Not Pictured: Fatty McFatFat

You don’t see them anymore. Where are they now? Washed up in some snack retirement home…looking forward to Jello Pudding Thursdays? (Is that borderline cannibalism?) Getting cellophane wrapper sores from neglectful nurses? Wishing their Grand kids would visit? Or maybe thankful they don’t since most kids love snack cakes…

I think a lot of people were initially upset over the disappearance of the Twinkie, not due to the tasteless cake it’s self, but more due to the aggressive marketing campaigns of Hostess from our youth. My favorite being the advertisements in the comic books disguised as comic book panels.

twinkies-still-in-business

Do these tights make my package look bigger…because that’s what I’m going for….

Twinkie the Kid worked with all the greats: Batman, Spiderman, Aquaman, Plasticman, Hulk, The Kardashians, Archie and Jughead….

twinkiesuperman

If Twinkie the Kid is out of work, he could have found a vibrator company to work for….you know…if he really needed the money.

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If you liked this nonsense make sure you subscribe to Long Awkward Pause to get seven different views on one subject. That’s like seven Twinkies for the price of one! Also subscribe to everyone’s individual blog, especially mine here

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Related L.A.P. posts on Twinkies:

Omawarisan on Twinkies
Justin Gawal on Twinkies
BrainRants on Twinkies
Monk Monkey on Twinkies
Mike Calahan on Twinkies
Chowderhead on Twinkies
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About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
One Of The Hosts Of Podcast 42. Online Producer for The Over The Line Show. Voice over actor, writer on various websites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss

58 Comments on The Incredible Edible Twinkie

  1. bout had my fill of Twinkie posts this week…cream fill that is

    Like

  2. The Bowie open…mighty.

    Like

  3. Well, I know what happened to Fruit Pie. He was slaughtered by goblins after giving one of them an apple fruit pie (which the goblin was allergic to). Unfortunately, Elan and the rest of the party had already run away, so poor Fruit Pie’s remains were most likely eaten by the snarky demon-roaches of Xykon’s lair.

    If you have no idea what I’m talking about, go look up the webcomic Order of the Stick.

    Don’t worry.
    You’ll thank me.

    Like

  4. You didn’t answer the question on everyone’s mind: where does the Twinkie fall relative to the oatmeal cream pie?

    (Don’t make me regret saying that on a blog with seven guys.)

    Like

  5. OMG! The Twinkie is as much of a US Icon as breast enhancement surgery–and with about the same ingredients.

    Like

  6. I’ve never had a Peanut Butter Crunch bar. I might have to change that. . .

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  7. Is Happy Ho Ho some sort of Robin Hood-esque character? Either that or he feels the need to wear two fanny packs. Sassy!

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  8. Reblogged this on Christopher De Voss and commented:

    Come check me out on Long Awkward Pause, and while you are their check out the other posts as well. Then go buy a box of twinkies. Then open one up. Then set it aside and get one of those greek yogurt things where you flip the almonds and chocolate into it. Those are delish. Then read all the posts on Long Awkward Pause again…maybe even try to challenge us to a topic. Then feed that open twinkie to the dog.

    Like

  9. whiteladyinthehood // August 6, 2013 at 10:44 pm //

    Not a big fan of Moon Pies, either. (and its been awhile, but I’ve seen the movie Zombieland and I thought it was pretty funny)

    Like

  10. This was hilarious, and the vibrator line sent it over the fence.

    Like

  11. Snow Ball = No
    Ding Dong = Yes
    Mars Bar = Yes
    Moon Pie = No
    Peanut Butter Bar = Yes

    Twinkies = Hell Yes, you heathenish bastard…. Sorry I get a little carried away on this subject.

    Like

  12. You had me at David Bowie – but I do confess I love Moon Pies (marshmallow on anything sweet is just more deliciousness)…. Twinkies? Meh.

    Like

  13. I say do what everyone else is doing. Like Cronuts. Blend them together and make Chocwinkies.

    BTW – why no females bloggers in your group blog? You got something to hide? *wink wink*

    Like

  14. night owl // August 7, 2013 at 3:30 am //

    I don’t think you can get away with calling anybody ‘Happy Ho Ho’ these days. They’re either going to think you’re calling them a ‘Ho’ or that you’re a confused Santa Claus.
    Stick with the Kid.

    Like

  15. I still have old comics with those ads in them.
    Interesting fact: Superman would whoop Twinkieman’s butt.

    Like

  16. I get You and in case of Zombie Apocalypse, which is inevitable, only those who are huge fans of Peanut Butter Crunch Bars will not be munched upon and given full protection.

    Like

  17. Canada is relatively Twinkie free, but I have seen the well-dressed cowboy/phallic symbol lurking about in the aisles of Walmart. Up here, “Hostess” is a company that makes potato chips and sports a group of primary-coloured fuzzy midgets with big noses called “Munchies.” But I am with you on the PBC bar. Hell, anything that involves PB and Chocolate gets a huge thumbs-up from me. If you don’t have Cadbury Wunderbars in the States, you will simply have to head north to try one. The mouth orgasm they deliver will be well worth the trek.

    Like

  18. Delicious post!
    (Sorry, had to be said.)

    Like

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