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Topic Number Uno: Twinkies

Welcome fellow Lappers!
Gheesh! That doesn’t sound right.
Some other blogs have cute nicknames for their readers, so…you know…we thought we would do the same…but nothing is really working.
Some examples:
1) Awkwardphites
2) Lap Dancers
3) The ‘Ward
4) Long Awkward Pause Readers
Never mind, forget all that and welcome.
It’s time!
Here is what is happening this week:
Below is a topic submitted by the blog, Two On A Rant.
Join us over the next seven days as our team of world class, award winning, highly trained, practically famous in over 27*  different countries, writers take on that topic.
(FYI: None of us has read each other’s work. It will be new to us as well.)
So sit back, grab a cup of coffee and a seat belt, and enjoy as Long Awkward Pause presents their thoughts on:


*29 to be exact

The Suggestion:

I thought of a topic at 3am this morning when insomnia came for her nightly visit.
The return of the Twinkie, an insult to food.
What is the best way to answer an insult the “giver” thinks is humorous?
1.  Throw a tantrum?
2.  Throw a vase you hate at the insulter?
3.  Throw the insult back in his face?
Number 3 is a great deal more satisfying.  Take, for example, the comment my husband made when my friend Vickie said she liked Twinkies.
We were discussing the return of the Twinkie (Described by as, “…. lighter, leaner and last even longer.”)
I said, “I don’t like Twinkies.”  (Mushy, overly sweet, disgusting lumps of flour and chemicals).
He asked if I liked Hoho’s. (Waxy, messy, disgusting lumps of chocolate, flour and chemicals).
He was trying to be funny.
That’s when I said I preferred “Jerky.”
No, I’m not the Hoho type. I tried it in 1991 (years before my husband and I met).  Man, was that exhausting!  After the smoke cleared I said, “Never again.”
I’ve had enough Jerky for a while.  Some things aren’t worth overdoing.
Related L.A.P. posts:
About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
One Of The Hosts Of Podcast 42. Voice over actor, writer on various websites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss Follow the show on twitter at @podcast42show

23 Comments on Topic Number Uno: Twinkies

  1. Wait, this is all about TWINKIES? Damn I thought you said ‘stinkies.’


  2. Twinkies are great if you have a hole in the wall and need some filler.


  3. I for one am very excited about the return of Twinkies especially now that I know they are going to be lighter, leaner and last even longer. You cannot say that about everything in life.


  4. Lappers beat lap dancers? I mean, what?


  5. Waxy, messy disgusting lumps of chocolate, flour and chemicals?!?!? I beg to differ.

    Ho-ho’s are the classy cousin of the Little Debbie Swiss Cake Roll. While Debbie delivers a consistent product, Ho-Ho’s are the innovator. Opaque wrapper to protect the chocolatey goodness, sometimes 3 or even 4 to a pack and the nerve to market themselves under a vaguely suggestive name!


  6. lap – dawgz? a rap approach to the whole thing. ps – i was never a twinkie fan, and don’t suppose i’m going to grow into them at this point )


  7. I can’t say I would mind being referred to as a LAP dancer. 😉


  8. The Candyman makes…everything he bakes…satisfying and delicious…talk about your childhood wishes…you can even eat the dishes… 😀


  9. Great topic!


2 Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. The Long Awkward Pause after Declining a Twinkie | Two on a Rant
  2. Twinkie The Kid Starts A Comeback | Long Awkward Pause

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